Carmen and Ali: A Queer relationship in a cis-heteronormative society
اقرأ باللغة العربية أدناه
Carmen
In the photo album she was carrying there were photos that were at least 10 years old. Their faces might have seemed a bit different, but one year after the other and one picture after the other made their features clearer. This is a love story that carries within it enough pain to burn a whole village. But they decided to stay in the shadow so they wouldn't have to lose any more.
Pictures of Ali growing up.
The sweet, faced girl hasn’t known a day of peace, especially in her childhood home. Carmen is an educated woman, that had her life derailed in a way she never considered.
Ali, a transgender man, never continued his education past the 4th grade, for his father wouldn’t pay his tuition fees. His dad’s fascination with hunting equipment stole Ali’s chance for an education. His father’s passing forced him into work at a young age, as he was the eldest amongst his siblings.
Carmen met Ali in 2011, not realizing that this meeting would help her discover her sexuality in later years. Her home life robbed her of the ability to consider her options. Constant abuse from her older brother forced her to choose the marital prison to escape her familial cage; disregarding her feelings for Ali. “He looked manly, the way he spoke, his mannerisms, even the way he dressed. I felt a strong attraction towards him but ignored it because it could only bring me more trouble. How would my family accept that I'm in love with a man they believe is a woman!! I’d be killed” Carmen explains.
She didn’t know there was a definition for what she was feeling, what she was, a bisexual. She ignored those feelings and moved on with another man, who turned out to be her warden in the marital prison she chose. He stole her freedom, her body, and peace. The different forms of abuse she went through from physical violence to marital rape consumed her. Ali was her asylum during that time; until she finally decided to leave her husband and run back to her family’s home, knowing the risk of possible rejection by her family, especially her older brother who forced upon her the need to choose between the flames of two hells: familial vs. marital.
Carmen finally decided to ask for a divorce. She escaped her husband's house while she was pregnant with his child. Going back to the family’s house was not that easy. She had to face her brother’s violence. When her father passed away, things got even worse, and her brother kept harassing her. During the divorce process he sided with her husband after she decided to leave her family’s house and move out with Ali in Saida. At the time, she was meeting Ali secretly. She had no choice at that time so she left her daughter with her family. That is when Carmen’s brother gave her daughter to her husband who deprived her from seeing her for six months.
After a period of time, Carmen filed a complaint to obtain custody and finally won it. Months later her ex-husband also filed a complaint so he can take their daughter again from her accusing her of "lesbian behavior", but for the lack of evidence she won again. Carmen said "the worst thing that happened during that period was that my brother was my ex-husband's only witness, and when I filed a complaint against my brother because of his threats, my mother was his only witness.” Later on, she was forced to give her daughter back to him, so the girl could attend school as Carmen was not able to cover the education fees. Now Carmen is allowed to see her daughter only twice a week. She moved out to a nearby village in Bekaa and is living secretly with Ali.
Ali bites his nails out of stress
In order to keep their secret, Ali had to come to Bekaa every day so that no one would find out about their relationship. Nevertheless, her brother sent someone to watch him. After years of threats and violence, Carmen decided to put an end by filing a complaint and requested legal protection from her brother, so he was forced to sign a pledge not to harass her again, or he would face a prison sentence and a financial penalty.
After they returned back to the village, they participated in a workshop, and during the break Ali met a social worker who used to work for the A-project and told her his whole story with Carmen.
Ali & Carmen holding hands
This was the beginning. The association helped Ali and Carmen settle in a house of their own, and financially supported them to get the necessities. In addition, and with the help of other associations, they participated in several workshops to get to know more about gender, sexuality, and SOGIESC particularly. “We didn't know anything. These types of workshops taught us a lot, so we started to know more about ourselves, and our sexual orientations'' Carmen said.
Today, the couple maintain their relationship secretly, so that Carmen's daughter would not find out about their sexual orientation which might shock her. She is not ready for that now. She is also trying not to confirm her ex-husband's suspicions, which he may use against her in court and prevent her from seeing her daughter forever since the Lebanese law criminalizes same-gender relations.
“Our life is a postponed dream”
This is how they describe the marriage they had hoped for one day. Ali and Carmen do not have the strength to continue, and they are in dire need of help to preserve their home. Six months passed without them paying rent, and the money they had was almost not enough to cover their needs, because they both remain unemployed. "No one will accept to hire us. The job call would be for a girl, but when I apply for it, they refuse to hire me because of the way I look." Ali said. Ali also dreams of being able to undergo gender affirming surgery, as he would like to see his body, but these types of surgeries are too expensive, which makes it impossible for him now. Carmen only aspires that one day she will feel safe and get the stability she was deprived of for a long time, and perhaps a normal married life that is not hindered by customs, or a law that does not protect the marginalized.
داخل الألبوم صور مر عليها عشر سنوات, ربما تغيرت وجوه أصحابها قليلاً ولكن عام بعد عام و وصورة تلو الأخرى خرجا إلى الوضوح. هذه قصة حب تبلغ من الألم ما قد يحرق قرية بأكملها لكنهما اختارا أن يبقياها في الظل كي لا يخسرا الأكثر
علي رجلٌ عابرٌ جندرياً، انقطعَ عن دراسته الأساسية في الصف الرابع، لعدم قيام والده بتسديد الأقساط. كان الأب عسكرياً، يبذر راتبه الشهري في شراء عدة الصيد. بعد وفاته، تحمل علي عبء العائلة المادي، وبدأ يعمل في سن مبكرة لمساندة إخوته الأصغر
كارمن امرأةٌ ناجيةٌ من العنف الأسري والزوجي، تروي ألمَها بهدوءٍ ملحوظ، أكملَتْ تعليمها دون أن تعمل لاحقاً، إذ اضطُرَّت للزواج هرباً من عنف أخيها. مضَتْ إلى سجن آخر دون أن تفكر بمشاعرها التي تكنّها تجاه علي، كانَتْ قد تعرّفَتْ عليه سنة ٢٠١١، في لقاءٍ عابرٍ طبعَ وعيها، وفتح آفاقاً رحبة في هويتِها الجنسيّة وثنائيّة توجهها الجنسي بعد أعوامٍ لاحقة. ”كان يشبه الرجال، شكله وكلامه وتصرفاته وطريقة لبسه… شعرتُ بالإعجاب تجاهه، لكنني تجاهلتُ أحاسيسي خوفاً من أن تجلب لي المزيد من المتاعب. كيف ستتقبل عائلتي أنني مغرمة برجل عابر يظنون أنه امرأة؟! سأُقتل!“، تقول مؤكّدة
تحت مسمّى الزواج، قاسَتْ كارمن أشكال التعنيف والتعذيب: من الضرب إلى السجن المنزلي والاغتصاب الزوجي. في تلك الفترة، كان علي ملاذها الآمن وملجأها الوحيد. عادَتْ مع طفلتها التي أنجبتها إلى منزل أهلها رغم علمها المسبق بالصعوبات التي سيدبّرها لها أخيها. بطشَ الأخ في تعنيفه بعد وفاة والدهما، وفعل كل ما بوسعه لتعطيل حياتها، وراح يخطط مع زوجها لعرقلة الطلاق
في تلك المرحلة، كانت كارمن تلتقي بعلي سراً، إذ لم تكن عائلتها تتقبّل وجوده في المنزل، حتى أنّ زوجها قام بابتزازها عبر تهديدها بنشر فيديو، فقد تقصّد وضع كاميرا في الشرفة لتصويرهما غدراً خلال إحدى زيارات علي لها. بعد سنوات ثلاث مضنية، هربت من عنف أخيها اليومي إلى صيدا، تاركة ابنتها خلفها، فقام أخيها بتسليم الطفلة إلى أبيها، وتمكّنت من الطلاق
رفعَتْ دعوى لاسترداد حقها في حضانة طفلتها، وربحَتْها. ولكن بسبب عدم قدرتها على توفير الأقساط المدرسية، أُجبرَت على المساومة وإعادة الطفلة إلى طليقها الذي حاول نزع الحضانة برفع دعوى ”ممارسة السحاقية“ ضدها، بسبب تجريم المثلية الجنسية في لبنان، وقد خسرها لعدم توفر الأدلّة. تقول كارمن أن ”أسوأ ما حدث أنّ أخي كانَ شاهدَه الوحيد، وعندما رفعتُ شكوى ضدّ أخي بسبب تهديده لي بالقتل، كانت أمي شاهدتَه الوحيدة“
لاحقاً انتقلَتْ للسكن في منزل كائن في إحدى قرى البقاع، حيث كان علي يزورها سراً بشكل يومي. تعمّد أخيها مراقبتهما رغم توخيهما كل الحذر. أخيراً، تمكنت من وضع حدّ لاعتداءات أخيها المستمرّة عبر التقدم بطلب حماية من المحكمة، مما أجبره على التوقف عن أفعاله تحت طائلة السجن ودفع غرامة مالية
ذات يوم، وخلال مشاركة كل من علي وكارمن في ورشة تنظمها إحدى الجمعيات لدعم أبناء القرى على تأسيس مشاريع فردية، تعرّفا على ناشطة اجتماعية نسويّة تعمل مع مشروع الألف، وحدّثاها عن قصتهما، فنقلتها للجمعية التي قامت بمساعدتهما على استئجار بيت وشراء مستلزماته. واظبا على المشاركة في جلسات مع جمعيات نسوية أخرى، مما ساعدهما على التعرّف أكثر على مجتمع الميم-عين ومفاهيم عديدة في النسوية والجنسانية والجندر، ”صرنا نفهم أنفسنا وجسدنا أكثر“، تعلّق كارمن
حالياً، يعيش الثنائي علاقتهما السريّة في الظلّ، خوفاً من اكتشاف ابنة كارمن أمرهما، فالأم تعتقد أنها غير جاهزة لذلك. كما لو تأكّدَت شكوك طليقها، فحتماً سيستخدم العلاقة ضدها في المحكمة، ويحرمها مجدّداً من حق الرؤية، بالإضافة لأن القانون اللبنانيّ يُجرّم العلاقات غير النمطية، مما سيخدم قضيته. وعن فكرة زواجهما مستقبلاً، فهي ”حلم مؤجل“
يواجه علي وكارمن المصاعب الاقتصادية للاستمرار سوياً في بيتهما، حيث مرّت شهور ستة دون أن يتمكنا من دفع الإيجار، وهما لا يملكان من مال ما يكفي لتغطية احتياجاتهما الأساسية، فكلاهما متعطلان عن العمل، ”ما حدا بيقبل يوظّفنا، بيكون الإعلان لبنت، بروح، بيشوفوا شكلي بيرفضوني“، يردف علي الذي يحلم بإجراء عملية تأكيد الجندر، ليرى جسده ويختبره كما يرغب، إلا أنّ كلفة العملية الباهظة تجعلها صعبة المنال اليوم. أما كارمن فلا تحلم إلا بأمان واستقرار حرمت منهما طيلة زمن، وحياة زوجية هانئة لا تعرقلها العادات أو القوانين التي تقمع المهمشّات والمهمشين
Writer
Marwa Saab
I obtained my bachelor's degree in journalism from the Lebanese International University in 2020.
I worked as a freelance journalist and content creator with several websites and e-journals, as well as a freelance social media specialist.
Photographer
Carmen Yahchouchi
I was born and raised in Mali and after relocating to Lebanon in 2010, I pursued my Bachelor’s degree in photography at the Notre Dame University. Refining my skills, and developing a sharp eye for documentary photography, I began to understand my subject’s gestures and demeanor. This enabled me to develop an aesthetic sensibility towards complex issues that many shy away from.
